Punch or Lunch: Tia Carrere

Well kids, somebody had to call notice to it, and it looks like I'm the one that is up to the task. The Emmys were held Sunday night, and while I am disappointed that Steve Carrel of "The Office" lost his category, I am overjoyed that the Hollywood community as a whole has finally been taken down a notch. You see, the IRS has decided that all those swanky gift bags given freely to the privileged few who are nominated, win, or even present an award on these shows are considered income, and therefore it is taxable.

Which brings me to our Wednesday feature: Punch or Lunch. Today it is all about actress, Tia Carrere.

Tia was quoted in an article recently on the topic of the taxable gift bag. While eyeing racks of free clothing she said this: "I am feeling guiltily gluttonous. The big question on everybody's mind is, are we going to pay taxes? I probably shouldn't say this, it sounds whiny, but we pay so much already, why should we pay more?"

PUNCH!

Tia, you ignorant slut. You've made millions of dollars flaunting your ample bosom and making really bad movies. Yet somehow, amazingly, you keep working. It is apparent that you really have no idea how lucky you are. Ever care to think for a moment that there are people out there in the "real" world who earn in a whole year what you get for free from just one of those "celebrity outreach" events at the Emmy swag suite? The IRS should make you pay double for what you said, you doof. You really wanna complain about paying just the tax on a free $15,000 trip to Cabo San Lucas, free plastic surgery, free iPods, and free designer jeans, and perfumes? You are an actress (and I use that term refrerring to you with great suspicion), you get paid obscene amounts of money to do very little in return. So does your quote sound whiny? You bet your reconstructed ass is does, and for that, you deserve a punch... a free punch.

Think I'm sounding a little bit upset? Here is a picture of the gift bag given out at the Emmys by Entertainment Tonight/People Magazine, you be the judge. Now mind you, this bag was given out in addition to the official bag of the Emmys!

The ad on EBay (bid on it here) says the following about the bag:

"From the hottest Emmy Party of the year comes this one-of-a-kind gift bag that went to celebs such as Eva Longoria, Felicity Huffman, Sandra Oh, Meghan Mullaly, and Charlie Sheen to name a few. Continuing in the tradition of providing the most coveted gift bag, guests left the ET Emmy Party with this exclusively designed Cole Haan "Weekender" bag, set to retail for $400 this fall in Cole Haan boutiques. And that's just for the bag!

This ET-People gift bag, valued in excess of $2,500, is filled with more than 35 high-end products from brands including Art of Shaving, CBS and MTV DVDs, Crabtree & Evelyn, DDF, Demeter fragrance, and Play-Doh set, Fairytale Brownies, Fenix, Freeze 24-7, Gal Pal deoderant, Hiya mints, IdeaVillage, Jaqua, JellyBelly, Joico Hair Care, Lärabars, L'Occitane, Lorac Cosmetics, Maybell ine, Nars, OPI, People, See's Candies, Sojourn Bags, Sony Image Station, Tea Forte, Trapp Candles, True Lemon and Urban Detox."

Ugh. I'm nausious. Does Eva Longoria really need more free crap? Isn't the hit show and the basketball boyfriend enough? I'm just sayin'

Hey Tia? I know you are likely so self centered that you only read the parts of the article that involved you, but I think that you, as well as my readers, might wanna check this part out: "Randy Wayne, a 25-year-old actor who moved to California from Oklahoma a few years ago, reflected on the strangeness of it all, even as he was being offered his pick of Coby electronic toys at Melanie Segal's suite. "I feel awkward taking things-— like, my God, I can have a gift?" said Wayne, who will play a young Luke Duke in "Dukes of Hazzard 2." But they want you to have it and they want you to talk about it. It's funny, because when you can finally afford it, it's free."

Telling quote ain't it?

So...next week's topic? Punch Or Lunch: The Makers of "Dukes of Hazzard 2" Aww to hell with it, let's just punch them too.


For your consideration:
George Baker - Little Green Bag Mp3