JonBenet Murderer Confesses! Dan "The Del Taco Guy" Lands New Role

I have to admit, I thought this one would never be solved. Then again earlier this year, we found out who "Deep Throat" was, and that mystery took thirty years to reveal itself. Well, it looks like the unsolved case of the brutal murder of child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has taken a huge step toward closure once and for all. John Mark Karr, who was employed as a second grade school teacher (eww) in Bangkok, Thailand made a stunning confession yesterday that he killled her. I say forget going to trial, this case doesn't need it. Does the dude have three names? Then he's guilty. Look at the history of killers with three names, John Wilkes Booth (Abe Lincoln), Lee Harvey Oswald (John Kennedy), Mark David Chapman (John Lennon), and of course John David Stutts (Buckwheat). Go ahead and add John Mark Karr to that list.

Three names, I'm just sayin'.

Karr told the press how he loved JonBenet, and was with her when she died but that her death was an accident. And even though he was sketchy on the details of the murder, he answered flatly when asked if he was innocent: "No."

"I was with JonBenet when she died. Her death was an accident. I am so very sorry for what happened to JonBenet," he told the AP.

Ok, the guy admitted to the act, and has three names. Get the chair ready, and somebody lock up the movie rights. Side note: look at that picture, umm, my gaydar is flying off the charts! Is yours? If it ain't my gaydar, then it's something, cause that guy looks creepy. Perhaps it's the buttoned up short sleeve shirt. Wait on second thought, it ain't my gaydar, no mary would ever allow himself to dress that way, especially if there were cameras present.

Speaking of the made for TV movie, I know exactly who should play the bastard. Ladies and gentlemen, Dan "The Del Taco Guy!"

So we will soon know more than we already know about the murder of a beauty queen. Karr is supposed to return to Colorado next week. DNA tests have already been performed as well.


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